This picture should have been taken today. Me with my coffee getting ready to take Hilaria’s yoga class at Yoga Vida–but sadly no.
I had everything ready, yoga mat strapped to my back and my Kmart sneakers on heading to the subway. But when I couldn’t find my unlimited Metro card, I got all cheap and said “fuck it, I’m not paying $2 to get on the subway to head to yoga.”
So instead I went to Chase to deposit some checks and get a complimentary coffee and sucker. This turned out to be a 30 minute meeting with a financial adviser who made me more disillusioned about the idea of marriage. I feel like I should take his advise and forgo a wedding and buy something that will be worth more in the end…like quality stocks.
When I do it, shit goes to hell. The other day I tried drinking two ice coffees and my throat clenched up. I dribbled all over myself, pretty much looking like a half-asian with down-syndrome (most days I just look like a retard).
What happened to my swallowing capabilities?? I can only think of a few ways to exercise my pharynx? No. I lied–just one way. But it usually involves spitting.
I hate giving up my seat on the subway. I usually have my earphones on or my head in a book so the elderly or pregnant won’t guilt me to give up my seat. I’m know I’m an ass, and decided to be a more considerate person.
So when I looked and saw my 9th Street Espresso Coffee, just hanging out on the floor—my heart melted. Just look at the sleek logo against a black background….CHIC. This coffee is the elite of the elite and deserves to be elevated on a pedestal!
So the other day I went to Brooklyn to bitch with one of my best bitches over coffee. But which topics to bitch about? That being self-employed holds no benefits when tax time comes? Apartment hunting ? The antiquated ritual of marriage? Working in a job that is under staffed? The negatives of having a boyfriend? the shit weather in the city and how mother nature seems really pissed off? Or the New York dream of buying a $600,000 1-bdrm apartment—-in Brooklyn?
This whole experience made me realize something significant- Bitching is the new calm, calm is the new crazy, and women who are blissfully happy are psychopaths.
I’m very impressionable. When I was young, I would throw up if I ate a banana… until someone told me it was their favorite fruit. I’ve been a vegetarian for over 8 years… after my boyfriend told me how gross meat was. And I regularly spend $10 on a juice….knowing it is cold pressed organic.
So, when I told one of my friends I was at Cafe Cafe the other day, he bashed it to hell. So, I’m not sure what I would have written about Cafe Cafe but all I can remember about it is what my friend said, “It’s $2.17 for a weak coffee.”
I’m over it.