It’s not really about Mila Kunis

It’s never a surprise when I see pictures of Mila Kunis double fisting 2 coffees.

When I do it, shit goes to hell.   The other day I tried drinking two ice coffees and my throat clenched up.  I  dribbled all over myself, pretty much looking like a half-asian with down-syndrome (most days I just look like a retard).

What happened to my swallowing capabilities??  I can only think of a few ways to exercise my pharynx?  No. I lied–just one way. But it usually involves spitting.

Would you like to sit down?

I hate giving up my seat on the subway.  I usually have my earphones on or my head in a book so the elderly or pregnant won’t guilt me to give up my seat.  I’m know I’m an ass, and decided to be a more considerate person.

So when I looked and saw my 9th Street Espresso Coffee, just hanging out on the floor—my heart melted.  Just look at the sleek logo against a black background….CHIC.  This coffee is the elite of the elite and deserves to be elevated on a pedestal!

Bitches Bitching

So the other day I went to Brooklyn to bitch with one of my best bitches over coffee. But which topics to bitch about? That being self-employed holds no benefits when tax time comes?   Apartment hunting ?  The antiquated ritual of marriage?  Working in a job that is under staffed? The negatives of having a boyfriend?  the shit weather in the city and how mother nature seems really pissed off?  Or the  New York dream of buying a $600,000 1-bdrm apartment—-in Brooklyn?

This whole experience made me realize something significant- Bitching is the new calm, calm is the new crazy, and women who are blissfully happy are psychopaths.

Opinions are easy to make, if someone tells you what to think

I’m very impressionable.  When I was young, I would throw up if I ate a banana… until someone told me it was their favorite fruit. I’ve been a vegetarian for over 8 years… after my boyfriend told me how gross meat was.  And I regularly spend $10 on a juice….knowing it is cold pressed organic.

So, when I told one of my friends I was at Cafe Cafe the other day, he bashed it to hell.  So, I’m not sure what I would have written about Cafe Cafe but all I can remember about it is what my friend said, “It’s $2.17 for a weak coffee.”

I’m over it.

Welcome to the Mile High Club, Assholes Wanted

 

I hate flying United.  You pay for food, headphone and your carry on luggage.  There is always a kid screaming in the cabin and your sitting next to a guy that won’t shut up.  The only way to get everyone to leave you alone is to have a coffee and Heinekon because it makes you look like a asshole.